Trauma Logic

posted on 12 Aug 2025

“The first time she hit me, a barrier collapsed, a large barrier which had been invisible and unspoken, but which kept my torment safer for it was at a purely emotional level. That changed when the boundaries were crushed. The safety wasn’t coming back. I remember that there was a feeling of shock that made my eyes widen and my blood run cold. It’s not as if she was an affectionate woman before, but the idea that the one who had chosen to give me life wanted to hurt me struggled to take shape in my young brain. Things stopped making sense. There was nowhere else to go; the outside was hostile, the inside desolate. Outside of my home, they’d abuse me because of the way I looked. And then at home, I’d have my teeth broken for simply existing and taking up space. As one would expect, my mind went from sadness to anger and then to pure bitterhatred for everything that walked. But it wasn’t obvious at first. It was a monster of my own, slowly birthing itself in the innermost depths of my vessel. When it became too large to ignore, it had already fused itself with me. We were conjoined. It was then that I realized the universal human experience of soul-rot. We begin life in a state of purity, but then, at some point in the relentless forward momentum of time, an accursed hand lays itself upon our heart. The decomposition begins. It just so happened that the hand laid upon my face by my own mother would one day result in me laying my hand upon the entirety of all life. In my trauma logic, it is all who ever was and all who ever will be who must pay for my loss of innocence. And by their sacrifice, no innocence shall be lost again.”